DarrenPoyzer
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blog This Is An Archived Page - see current blog > here < 29 December 2005 - And Now What's Needed Is A Holiday The feeding of the many around one small table in a modest row end ex-council house, to a never-ending corporate soundtrack and films we've all seen over and over again ... and where would so-called comedy be without canned laughter? The building and breaking of toys, unexpected social meetings with people from the annals of one's life history, all held together by my Mother's over-fantastic love for her extended family. And as usual, a member of the family ends up in hospital. Can anyone tell me what a 'normal' Christmas is supposed to be like? I guess if anything, it makes a mainstream social reclusive like me get out and see members of my family I rarely see these days. The thing I struggle with though is the expectation. I built myself up to take wonderful moments with people I care for in my stride, only to find myself knocked out of step the moment I stood up to open the welcome door. Maybe I'm too sensitive. I wasn't going to cry over anything this year, but I did, and stupidly as a result of mistakes I've already made on more than one occasion. What is it about Christmas that makes you think people might show a glimmer of change in their appreciation of love? I think if anything, when things aren't good for you, it's a time when you get to meet people who are doing well, and you get the chance to breathe in a little of their generosity and warmth. There is something very good about this time of year, and looking out of the window right now towards some distant Welsh hills, with a fine layer of snow all around, I do feel refreshed by some of my encounters these last few days.
However there was one TV moment to note. 3am this morning, sat at my Mothers finding peace amongst the insomnia, and who's lurking amongst the crap channels but none other than Mark E Smith of The Fall. God-like genius or alcoholic nutter? Both of course ... I'll drink to that.
Christmas Day, 2005. We will never visit this day again for the rest of our lives, and whatever happens, we'll never be able to change it. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? Don't worry, for us adults it's only potentially a special day; for the kids however, these are the kinda days that shape the rest of their lives. Think about that before you shout at anyone for leaving a mess! There are things I wish I could change about last Christmas. Unfortunate stuff really, the perils of blended family life, one or two little moments of high emotion and expectation that backfired and caught me full in the face. Then the Asian Tsunami changed the bigger picture and turned the world upside down. There will be no repeat this year; this year I am winding down, re-grouping the energies, getting myself prepared for the working and emotional year ahead and the resumption of hostilities. I am not going to cry over anything; I am having a workaholic Christmas. That doesn't mean I've dropped out; moreso, my contribution to family and friends has been more methodical this year. A pending business meeting in North London was brought forward so that I could visit sister Tina and family in the East End, and ferry a car full of presents up North for the over-crowding session ahead. I took little Jasmine to a big show in Manchester. I've lent money to two people so that they can get through with less stress; I've made a conscious decision not to surprise anyone on the fringes with Christmas Cards and gain some moral high-ground. I've not even sought to sneak a sexual move on any female friends. Nope; I've kept myself to the middle lane, I've got a class to teach on January 3rd 2006, and that's me. The one thing I will do however, after doing my bit to entertain our extended family children, is celebrate the year we've just had; the work of my friends and loved ones, the lives of those we've lost and can never replace, and make sincere wishes of good health and happiness in the years ahead for those who are special.
It's the evil ones I still struggle with, and yet at some point they were hungry little children too. What makes a rapist, a murderer, a tyrant, a reckless abuser? Where does it all go wrong, Holy Father? Is it me who is fucked up, or they? Yeah yeah, you are all around etc etc. Sometimes, I wish you didn't exist, then we on this planet would learn once and for all that we have to sort this mess out ourselves, and not retreat to some great being in our own heads for comfort. I guess it gets like a Church sermon on this website sometimes. I often think that Jesus and his followers were a bunch of beardy social workers who were just too bloody tired to carry on. "Let's have a break" they said, "call for peace and goodwill and see if the bastards will start to treat us with a little more respect." And lo, it was so, that the peoples' of the world celebrated with wine and song, an exchange of gifts, and they would watch The Two fucking' Ronnies again and again, and again ... The workaholics however, merely carried on with their work, carrying gold, frankincense and myrrh to their next port of call. "Ha ha" they said, in an Alan Partridge kinda way, "we're not falling for that one!" Happy Christmas everyone. As the late great comedian Dave Allen would say, may your God go with you. May your year past be beautiful on reflection, and the one ahead just so. Darren x
17 December 2005 - The Thrill Of The Open Road It happened again today ... a twist in the tale, a turn in the road. Driving home from a meeting in Halifax, I found a queue of traffic as I sought an exit from the M6 onto the M56, missed my turning and travelled onwards. Eventually, seeking alternative a-road routes across country, I found the Delamere Forest and ultimately, signposts for the Oulton Park racecourse. My Dad used to race motorbikes here in the 1960's. By all accounts he lived for his racing, and I have distant memories of my life as a toddler, in tow with my Mum and Dad, taking in a life on the bikers racing circuit. It's not the first time this year that I've been drawn by his spirit, and as I drove into the grounds of the 'old' course, now very much a modern site, I sensed something very special. It was as if my Dad was here, and looking out towards the race track I could hear the buzz of the bikes as they screamed under the Yokohama bridge, and I shared for a brief moment the thrill of the course, the adrenalin, the burning rubber, petrol funes, full leathers, the tears of his loss, the joy of knowing that prior to his tragic accident in 1969, he sought and found the thrill of the open road. I thought for a moment what an occasion it may be to bring my Mother here for a race day, to see if she feels it too, after all these years. That very thought alone, has found me with a heavy heart. I wonder how my Mother still has moments of reflection like this. I haven't dared to ask, not yet ... maybe I will, and maybe a trip to Oulton Park together will provide us with the chance to reflect on the life of a dear man who was, and in many ways still is, our life. 09 December 2005 - Best, Lennon, Burrell ... It's quite beautiful in an eerie sense, here in the Cheshire countryside. There's a low floating, cold still mist all around that gives the twilight scenery and night-time a sense of incredible well-being. There's something very refreshing about the countryside when it's like this; I guess it takes me back to my childhood days when I used to wrap up warm in winter, and as I stepped outside the cold would create heightened senses. The cold when it is as still as this, can be as life renewing as the sunshine, if not moreso ...
I have to be honest I never worshipped John Lennon like some have; to me he was one of many great musicians of his time with great vision, who played the 'spiritual being' card with aplomb. Likewise George Best the wizard footballer turned stupid alcoholic, and media branded wife-beater, who died recently. In fact, I don't think I've ever worshipped anyone in the 'hero' sense. The nearest I came to that I guess was with The Jam, Paul Weller's band in the late 70's early 80's, and even then I stopped after one breathtaking live concert as I kinda wanted to leave that 'fan' thing alone. My life here in Cheshire is still one of enjoyable but at times quite un-nerving discovery. On Saturday I took a 5 mile drive into the Welsh border village of Holt, where my nearest shops are situated. For the first time I looked around and decided to take a coffee in a local cafe. It was all very quaint; a perfectly presented young girl in a pork pie hat served me, a sense of pleasantly strange community as if created by distant people, gripped me. I reached for something to read, and the only choice was The Daily Mail. Not wanting to appear alien by rejecting the notorious right wing propanganda sheet I felt trapped, and as a middle aged woman looked me in the eye and smiled in my direction, I suddenly felt as though I was Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner - see 1960's cult TV for reference.
This was indeed if I recollect correctly, a controversial book. However, it is more the controversy that surrounded Diana, Lennon and Best that has been on my mind. Each one an animal of a human being and right down amongst us in the bowels of immoral human behaviour, yet each held high as some saintly being by millions. Come on, smell the coffee people; high moral lauding of people who used their high ranking to fuck around and over indulge is pious, sickly and warped, surely? What is that all about, I ask you? There are times when I feel so grateful that I am strong enough in character to not have to idolise anyone or anything, or suck on sicophantic bullshit. And yet I feel sad at having pity on those who do. It seems I am more disturbed by it than they ... So, this place remains beautiful and a place of peace, even in Winter. I myself however, remain a little restless. It seems you can take the boy away from the madness, but you can't take the madness away from the boy. ~ ~ ~ Secretly, behind this blog, I've been 'building' my home studio, in readiness for the creation of a new Darren Poyzer cd. New songs alert! Maybe even two new cd's, as I have half an idea to re-record some of the earlier songs from previous eras as 'The Cottage Sessions' or something along those lines. It's all quite exciting, if somewhat creatively intense. 04 December 2005 - Liverpool, London, Cumbria, Morecambe, Manchester, Warrington, Ellesmere Port Well, where to start ... it's been a mega, albeit flu suffocating week for yours truly. Last night despite the best efforts of a truly appaling sound system, the DaDa Fest gig happened in Liverpool. Where it really took off though was in a Premier Lodge hotel room, when a small but celebrated after show party took place and was tops for fun and music. There are apparently some sound recordings and photos on there way here ... more soon I hope!
Rory's live reputation was so special, that rare recordings and bootlegs have been illegally sourced from everywhere they exist. The strong presence of his own official site therefore, as an ongoing tribute, is a must and It's a great honour therefore to be a member of the extended family that is working to preserve the good name of a very special musician. My other work has found me attending workshops in Ulverston Cumbria, Warrington and Manchester, for Music Leader. And it's all been pretty good, can't complain at all! Even Shannon the dog has started to settle at home now, probably having realised it's a lot warmer indoors than it is waiting for me in the car! Maybe my most challenging work right now though is my teaching role at West Cheshire College in chemical plant neighbouring Ellesmere Port, a town that I am gaining a fondness for as it's slowly becoming the nearest thing to a 'home' community, even though it's 40 minutes drive from here, and a world away in clean air terms. A fab fun Chinese meal with a gang of young musicians and volunteers, whereby EPN LIve Arts Officer Samantha Lee was the heart and soul of the party, has been the recent highlight. At times it takes a bit of a relaxing session before you start to view the real value of your work, and having been frantically rushed at first into my teaching role, I am starting to settle with it now. Therefore I hit the road towards Christmas in good spirits. There is work to do, and due to a recent upsurge in cashflow, Clutton Cottage has the added charm of half a dozen assorted and very colourful plants. Little things can sometimes make a big big difference ...
I've just spent two days at my Mothers, and as usual I have been injected with a dose of TV shit ... Now, maybe I've missed the point, and I know there's popular local interest with a champ boxer in the news right now, but what is the difference between a young marine being knocked to the floor and humiliated, and a boxer? It's all humiliation, right? And isn't that whole X Factor thing built on the humiliation and breaking of the losers? Have you seen the trailer for the Christmas dvd, whereby not so good looking or especially talented people, one girl who supposedly "looks like a man" in particular, are openly and violently degraded by Simon Cowell? I'm sick of the hypocrisy of our society, and the media in particular. The whole makeover thing; so much of that thrives on the degradation and humiliation of someone who is a lesser being, by presenters who see making a name for themselves as more important than having humility as a life skill. No wonder bullying in schools remains a terrible and demonic disease. 21 November 2005 - 5 Things ... 1) A Funeral and a Graveyard - Went to my Uncle Mal's funeral on Friday. Arrived early so walked around the still early winter graveyard with my Mother, under a clear blue sky, filled with plane trails. Thought provoking ... 2) Music Leader - Lots of great training this week in the North West, see www.musicleader.net/content.asp?CategoryID=916 and don't miss some superb opportunities for music workshop training. 3) Podcast 4! - Tune in to my radio show podcast at www.stereograffiti.com. Almost an hour of stunning music, and none of it written or sung by me because this week I am guest presenter. 4) Gig with Horse this Thursday - Really looking forward to a top night at Life Cafe on Thursday Nov 24th. Well reocmmended! 5) John Lennon Rememberence Day - Thurs Dec 8th, it's an Acoustica night special in Stockport. 16 November 2005 - Winter Arrives In Clutton Broxton It usually greets you in the morning, except this time around that biting chill of Winter cut through me when I opened my door to greet my neighbour at 7pm tonight. Wow, it's so powerful ... bringing with it a change of mood, rising heating bills, tip-toeing through cold rooms, comfort-eating, endless nights that begin at 5pm in the afternoon. How do you live on your own at this time of year when you can't afford to heat the place you live? Spending brings with it a red light or two ... I
do however feel refreshed. I dunno ... maybe I'm just giving myself
a kick-start for what lies ahead. This will be my first Winter living
alone for sometime, and only the second time in my life. Already
the healthy eating has suffered, with a run of gigs and seaside
trips last week bringing on the chips and ice cream. Thankfully
from here in Clutton Cottage, the nearest tub of Ben And Jerry's
is 8 miles further away than the Health Club, so ~ ~ ~ Most certainly some good news on the gig front has cheered me; I will be celebrating pre-Xmas with a gig supporting John Cooper-Clarke in Bolton on Thurs Dec 15th. Punk-poet JCC was at the forefront of my creative awakenings during the mid to late 1980's, and in my humble estimation is a true living legend, and a most dear fella. He's had his issues but recently when I met him at the Magic Band gig in Manchester, he was looking really well and on top form. For the unitiated, here's some classic Johnny Clarke for ya ... think long tall thin, big spikey hair, dark glasses, and a sublime Manchester drawl firing on all vocal cylinders at lightning speed: are you the business does Superman
wear blue tights do
workers want a living wage are you the fuck off
business are the royal family
really rich did Noriega knock out
coke does Oliver Reed ever
get pissed was James Dean a cool
cat will narcotics get you
hooked did Buddy Holly wear
horn-rimmed specs did Elvis ever rock 'n
roll John
Cooper-Clarke Thursday
December 15th @ 7pm
I got involved, well for about 45 seconds ish, in one of those 'we need to discover outer space, we need to put men on new planets' etc conversations the other day. You know how it goes ... something about a dying planet, and how fossil fuels being ignited for the entertainment of an elitist few would bring us survival. * Sigh * Children In Need
Is it me, or is there something
very very wrong with an over-rated, over-paid, unfunny, smug-looking
so-called comedian taking the gloss of mass media global publicity,
to auction his own chair? 11 November 2005 - Life, Death, Family ... How often does this seem to happen? I feel really freaky telling you this, but it's no word of a lie, and I make no aplogy. Indeed, I feel refreshed and joyous in a strange kinda way. My Uncle Mal is someone I've rarely seen in recent years - families split, divide and we follow our individual destinies don't we, and even though we are 'family' we remain independents. Mal married my Mother's sister Ruth, and when I was a child of early teenage years, following the death of my Dad, I would often spend Summer breaks with Ruth, Mal, and my cousins, David, Mike, Diane, Stephen and Judy. Holidays in Abergele, North Wales, bring particular memories ... I always remember Mal as a Manchester United supporter, and when he was recently taken ill with a heart attack, it seemed strange that his illness and recent recovery from what seemed like the inevitable, matched that of his hero George Best, currently clinging on to his own life. So with tales of Mal's slow stabilisation filtering through to me over the last couple of weeks, it seemed weird that I awoke this morning with his image in my mind. I tried to go back to sleep, but he was still there. There was nothing hurtful or scary, I guess he just happened to be in my thoughts at that particular time ... however I have to say it's not the first time this seems to have happened in my life. What I am trying to say here is that as freaky as this sounds, it seems perfectly natural that this 'visit' took place, as within half an hour of me stepping out of bed, I got a call from my Mother to say that sadly, Mal had died last night, Thursday November 10th. When I say this has happened before, admittedly it has been a strong feeling I've had after someone has died, either at a funeral or in the days thereafter. Today, Mal was there in my sleep, and when I saw my Mothers number on the phone, I already knew ... I never used to be spiritual about these things. I share a little cynicism and wonder about attention seekers who claim such things happen. I am half-inclined to delete this entire post, but why should I? It's about this life, as much as it is about our inevitable death. And it's about family and friendships, and a closeness we can celebrate and be aware of, but not necessarily explain in any scientific terms. The moral? Death is not the end ... I can't explain beyond that, but with every day and new morning I am sensing there is more beyond, incomprehensible to those of us who remain here for the time being. Life and history is full of clues. Mal, you've me smile, thank you, rest in peace dear fella ... Darren x ~ ~ ~
November 11th, it's Rememberence Day. I often forget, there's nothing I can do to change what has happened. You could spend an eternity trying to make sense of the vile hatred on all sides that prompted two World Wars of such hideous massacre and suffering, during that century into which I was born. Maybe rather than wear a poppy one day a year, we should teach ourselves something about our recent history at least once every day, and put it into a modern day context ... poverty and starvation, alongside the wars promoted by oil greed, gold mining and water diversion, are equally as hideous, and they continue to destroy. "Hey Mr President, how many war memorials does it take to change a lightbulb?". Bastards. Those who have, who do ... who continue. Each and every one. 07 November 2005 - Essential Listening Top Ten One of the joys of working from home, designing websites as I do, is that you get to play lots of great music. Therefore, here's my current playlist top 10, in alphabetical order:
I don't watch tele, except when I pop round to Mothers to see sister Alison and Mum, and converse inbetween satellite channel surfs. Last night, I sat through a truly dreadful TV karaoke competition called 'The X Factor'. Today, I'm in shock, It was shite. Seems to me that just like religion abuse, whereby a person with a powerful and natural desire to develop spirituality is often seduced into a hell-hole of bad socio-politics, this is the abuse of those with a dream. And it's a hell-hole of nastiness and gladitorial slaughter where life is cheap, and the kill is everything. Utter shite. I'm speechless. Seems to me that a life without TV is a beautiful life in comparison ... 03 November 2005 @ 5.39am I've just finished building the table - see 4) below.
1) Teaching: love my one day a week teaching Songwriting & Composition, and Music In Context, at West Cheshire College. 2) Music Industry Days: Four in all, I am co-ordinating county-wide in Cheshire in Feb 2006. 3) Designing new websites. Amongst them, my good friend Kevin Farrell is about to hit the internet, and about time too. 4) Staring at domestic jobs: I have a new computer table, waiting to be built in the corner of the room. It's been there 2 weeks. 5) Friends and Family: Disputes, victims of idiots and circumstance who are my dearest and loved ones. Anger is not healthy. 6) See 5: The need to follow this up with headspace and time out. 7) See 6: The stunned look of 'oh my God' when I come back to my work schedule. 8) See 7 then refer to number 5. 9) A lack of good intuitive ideas for the blog. 10) See what I mean ... It will get better, I promise ... dp x 25
October 05 - Beautiful Things Happened Tonight ...
and again! Had a conversation with a lady at the gig about 'the quality of life' over 'money'. Yep, that's the one ... although there is a certain amount of rent you have to be able to pay to be in this part of the world. She collared me after I sang Greg Oldfield's song 'Young Marble Giants & John Peel' in which Highfield Rd in Widnes gets a namecheck. She was born on that very road, and found it quite amusing that some guy from Derbyshire was out here in Wales singing about a specific road in Widnes! No doubt it will get tough at some point, but again I am finding my new life here in Cheshire / Wales to be quite inspirational and enjoyable. And I'm getting my work done with Amplifier and Music Leader projects now gathering pace ... kinda shows in the way I have to dash onto another job now ... Thanks to those of you who've fed back such positives after the Hazel O'Connor gig ... much appreciated! * smiles * dp "saw you backing hazel oconner on tuesday must admit you were excellent just a pity you didnt play more tracks. you know a concert is good when it seems to be over before its started, hope you play birkenhead again soon maybe a bit longer next time" - Street End Gray ~ ~ ~ Quick
Fairy Tale:
Enough already. I need to pay respect to Hazel, Cormac DeBarra and Mario N'Goma, who as an acoustic trio were absolutely on the button. Cormac plays the harp, providing a breathtaking magical and smooth as silk contrast to Hazel's animated persona and 'soul sister of punk rock' vocals, and Mario the flute and acoustic guitar. An acoustic trio more at ease with each other on stage I don't think I've ever seen. Pacific Rd is also a fantastic venue. I've had the privilege of playing there three times now, and each time I've come away absolutely buzzing with the desire to write and play music. My biggest thank yous therefore tonight go again to Henry who booked the gig, the wonderful staff who always make me welcome, and the audience whose respect made the whole gig such a privilege. see www.hazeloconnor.com . see www.pacificroad.co.uk 24
October 05 - Black Dog and BBC Radio Wales (with thanks to Frank
Hennessy) A big thank you to Frank Hennessy, Celtic Heartbeat, BBC Radio Wales, for promoting me to his playlist this week, alongside The Saw Doctors, Robin Williamson, Eva Cassidy, The Wolfetones, Sharon Shannon and many more incredible artistes: >> Listen to the Show Online << BE QUICK!! The link has about 5 days to run! Gigs to come tomorrow in Stockport then Birkenhead on Wednesday with Hazel O'Connor ... bring it on.
Truly a magnificent find, Clonter is a theatre that was literally built first and foremost from bits and pieces and bails of hay. Over the years, it's no smoking policy of "a bucket of water over the head" has been gradually replaced by health and safety regulations to the point that to ride it's popularity, this farm holding had to develop and modernise if it's owners were to follow their dream. Clonter has a regular programme of workshops, with fairly frequent live events, these mostly being top quality opera based theatrical performances. Take a look at Clonter Opera! 7
October 05 - Solitude of the Late Night Swimmer Don't get me wrong - I am not a good swimmer, never have been, However, I am making very steady progress at the moment, and even small victories over oneself can bring the greatest sense of well-being. And neither am I living amongst some owned or stolen luxury. The pool is merely a part within a local hotel spa, and having cut right down on other living expenses and 'luxuries' I have acquired a membership that allows maxium use during non-peak times. At most there are between 6 and 12 of us, each in our own little world of solitude. Who'd have thought that I would be coming here, sharing a 90% naked experience with others similarly uncomfortable with their bodies on the outside, allowing the inside to rest a while, to exercise a little, to breathe refreshed before stepping out there again. So tonight I wonder, would I rather be out there, in the middle of some party battleground? Right now, no I don't think so. Wounded soldiers are no more than easy targets, and there comes a time when you have to stop banging your head against a wall, a desk or a mirror, and simply rest. And enjoy it. It's difficult, but all good parties, like wars, have to come to an end sometime ...
Recently, I was so moved by a selection of songs by a guy called Richard Berman, that I just had to e-mail him across the water to say how much I was admiring his work from here in England. Richard was kind enough to reply and suggest a cd swap, and we have now subsequently exchanged our music. Listening to Richard Berman's songs and stories has reminded me how important it is to be a true to yourself human being through your life's work. It seems like years since I felt so inspired by another songwriter; for me it only happens to this extent once in a blue moon. His music is an endless stream of inspirational and moving stories, each with a refreshing tingle of emotion to awaken and enrich the senses. Please do check out Richard Berman. He is based in Amherst, Massachusetts, and his site has some outstanding mp3's to listen to, however I do suggest you purchase and acquire his cds. If you like your songwriters to be enlightening and sincere, you'll not be disappointed. 5
October 05 - Aaaargh!
The diary is starting to look very full. Tomorrow I record a session and interview for High Peak Radio. I gig with the dom collins boy in Manchester on Saturday - it's going to be packed - and then the John Peel Day gig to look forward to on the 13th in Stockport. Gigs in Widnes, Glossop, Chepstow, then back into Manchester for a special night with Scottish singer Horse in November. I am co-ordinating 4 Music Futures Days for young people throughout Cheshire in 2006 for the Amplifier Youth Music Project. Have also got my MusicLeader.net 'hat on' with lots to do - we have a run of 5 Continued Professional Development events for Music Leaders in November. The website business is red lighting again, clients need their updates doing ... I'm taking Jasmine to see the Balamory live show on Friday. Oh, and my good mate Andy Goddard is launching a Podcast soon, with yours truly on the playlist. And as for Shannon, my poor dog ... what can I say. She's not settling in the new place. No wonder with Mr Work-aholic as a partner! She locked herself in the bathroom last week, totalled it ... then the day after, climbed the cooker door and switched the grill on. Then she knocked over a wall unit and put a metal handle through a plywood door. Have thought deeply about letting her go this week, and the very thought has depressed me severely. I need a solution that keeps us together ... and an odd jobs fella to 'un-total' the bathroom. 20
September 05 - The Distance Between Us I remember a poem of Kev's called 'The Distance Between Us'. I remember it being in a magazine or small booklet, with an illustration showing two planets, and a single person gazing across an unsurmountable divide. I remember thinking how love can be so distant ... This morning I took the first walk of the Autumn. A brisk but not uncomfotable chill had greeted my wakening, and I gazed out of windows to notice the different colours that now grace the landscape, as nature's new seasons gradually replace the old. Seeing and sensing this has made me think of how I've come to be here; of how the distance between myself and some elements of my past life is a welcome one; how previously I have not looked to greet the changing of seasons, but to see if the car that I've put every aching penny into has been vandalised; to see if the shades of urban grey and dismal rain have left any life in the eyes of people on the streets; to look at menacing 'youth' and beg the question "Have you no soul, or have we simply lost contact?". In a strange way, I feel alive and a little less lonely, even though as I walk I feel a little tinge of pain as I ask myself for the umpteenth time if I am ready to love again ... Today I look to the winter, and yes I know I will sit in the cold some mornings soon because the money tells me that heating amongst other knickknacks of comfortable living, must be replaced by a hunger to survive. And I look at the walk I've just taken with the dog, and think how good boots must soon be sourced, hats and gloves re-kindled. And yet I feel a warmth; I have kept the weight down and a regular exercise pattern has done me a world of good. A change of scenery like a change of seasons, brings with it new space in which to explore who you really are, and why you are here. I remember how during my first tour of Texas in 2002, I ended up being hospitalised. I remember being waken in the middle of the night by a male nurse in South Austin General Hospital who had come to check my 'vital signs'. I was sick and tired, far from home, wretched and confused ... "How are they", I asked. "They're fine" he replied, with a very re-assuring smile. And right now my vital signs are good, as I hope they will remain until and throughout the day or night the great spirit decides it is time for my heart to stop beating. And right now I wish I'd been there, with my best side, best wearing, best smelling look of romance and mystery about me, to say 'sorry' when you needed most to hear it ... 26 September 05 - Well, they got there eventually ...
23
September 05 - That 'Morning After a Great Gig' Feeling Last night was particularly good because it was the first time I've got to play with The Feredays - Rachel and Kate who are two stunning twin girls with superb voices, and a quality acoustic guitarist called Ben. I had the honour of them playing support, and to be honest I don't think it'll be that way around too often. If they really want success for their music, they truly have what it takes to climb the ladder very quickly indeed. I am hoping they will join us in Runcorn on Tuesday October 18th, when I will be teaming up for a very special trio set with Jamie Parkes on violin and Kevin Farrell, at a benefit concert for CO Awareness at The Brindley Arts Centre. More on that very very soon ... For now, that comfortable refreshing feeling that I have something worthwhile to offer as a songwriter, is as fresh as the Clutton Broxton morning dew ... 20 September 05 - Self-Esteem 1 & 2 1) I attended an important presentation yesterday wearing 34" trousers. Which is cool because for as long as I remember, I've been a 38. I am no longer a poor excuse for a man. I am now a fine example of a poor excuse for a man. I feel great ... 2) I took my car into a local Cheshire garage today for the first time. Nice mechanic, fixes cars for the Duke Of Westminster. We lifted the bonnet, with a few 'oo's' and sharp intakes of breath, he asked what month I needed the car for. Offered me a courtesy car - wow, stay-yay-yay-tus!!! I've never been as proud to drive around in a rickety L reg diesel Ford Fiesta as I am today ... I have arrived and I belong in the land of courtesy cars. 18 September 05 - 10 Vibes That Have Fucked With My Pulse This Weekend
But let's look at the bigger picture. Cheaper petrol means more usage, more damage to the environment and our fragile, broken and bleeding planet. I for one have used the car a lot less this week due to price rises and percieved fuel shortages, and if that has been multiplied across millions of car owners, that's a good thing surely? Sooner or later, something has to happen to stop the monopoly of fuel suppliers and arms dealers running planet Earth. Sooner or later, environmentally friendly systems for manufacture and transport have to come into force, and with it a power surge that brings down the military minds who mix oil and blood all too freely. I just hope we don't have to fight too many wars for this to happen, and if it happens peacefully in my lifetime, I will hold the gates of Heaven for those on the front line. I feel pretty helpless on this one. However, no matter what I pay for my petrol, I am not going to add any voice of support to the current fuel protests; more likely at some stage, I will add my voice to protests against petroleum fuel. What about price fixed petrol rationing ... surely that's the way to go from here? It's a hell of a lot fairer than pricing out the poorest amongst us ...
It's also given me the opportunity to think once more about the future. At present, it's a little clouded for the foreseeable by pressing family matters, however next year I celebrate 20 years as a solo singer songwriter, and the more chance I get to look ahead at that, the more I seem to like the idea of hitting the road full time for a year and seeing where it takes me. I must balance that out though and say that in the back of my mind, there may well come the day when I 'retire' myself from live performance, and let music take me over in different ways. That would not necessarily be a bad thing, especially as I still hold a deep desire to compose songs on a piano, and record for purely listening pleasure, as opposed to promoting live performance. Thing is, every now and then, just when i seem to be getting tired of playing, something special happens. It happened the other night at the Bakers Vaults of all places, my regular monthly Acoustica night. A dear soul called Phil Hanif, who recently got started on the live scene after he'd spent years confined to writing in his bedroom, played a song that truly moved me. A tribute to 'The Acoustic Man', he told the true story of how someone had given him the inspiration and courage go out and perform his own songs. He told how watching the acoustic man had inspired his passion, and how this man had taken time out to help him build his confidence and skills, by sitting with him during practice sessions, and helping him to fine-tune his abilities. His life has now found new meaning through his music. What's more, with humility I am warmed by the honour that in Phil's story, I am 'The Acoustic Man' ...
Most worringly the casting of this movie is totally wrong, and an opportunity to relay a message has been diluted as we have 'Frodo Hobbit' from Lord Of The Rings, re-cast as an East End footy thug. Come on now, get real ... Critics of this film have slated it for glorification of violence, however I must say I don't shy from seeing violence portrayed through drama, as it reminds me every time of the pointless waste and suffering that real-life violence brings. True glorfication of violence, the real damage, is done to children at an early age, when 'fighting cartoons' are fed to them witn armies of spotless superheroes destroying all in the name of justice. There's no suffering to relate to, only aggression and glory. This is something that contributes greatly to the ease with which many promote violence as a pathway to answers later in life. And I believe the authorities are well aware of this, and it's not just our culture. Folk-lore and tales of valiant heroes have been distorted throughout history throughout the world, to portray the battle between good and evil, the dark side and the good side, us and them. Anyway, coming away from the movie I thought about how the characters in the film went from one game to another, fighting different battles in each location, caught at first by an adrenalin rush and passion, then trapped by it as the battles turn into a war that never ends. Love and marriage anyone? I thought for a minute about friends of mine, whose lives are one endless trail of battles. I thought for a minute about my own life; about the way I chose to walk away from one or two battles when I came to live here on my own. When I have previously walked away from work and personal situations to which I had no known solution other than to promote fiercer bouts of fighting. I am not a man of war, personal or tribal. And I am thinking today how a new personal battle involving two members of my immediate family, has suddenly taken account for a great deal of our time and energy, and turned our love for our friends into single minded desire to defend ourselves by hurting someone. And I am thinking ahead, wondering whether to gather my family and run with what we have or, as the moral of the film suggests it is wiser to do, stand my ground and ensure those around me do likewise. Because together we are stronger. Or something like that. Today is the 11th of September. Fuck I hate what this date represents, and what has followed as a result. 6
September 05 - First Day at 'Big School' "A message to say much love and good luck to my fave little girl on her first day at school. Please give her a kiss from me, wish I was there ... " 4
September 05 - The 3rd World is Our World And have also served as a warm-up for the forthcoming catastrophic effects of man-made, US agitated, global warming ...
Here are a few new out-takes and quotes. This first comes from a dear friend of mine from Austin, Texas; the rest are press quotes from around the world, with thanks to BBC Monitoring: "You think our foreign policy is bad ... you should see the way we treat our own people" - Thom The World Poet "Television is creating a sympathetic image of white people fleeing, and black people caught up in a shoplifting orgy" - Lawrence Aaron wrote in New Jersey's Record "The vast majority of those stranded were poor black people who may not have had the means to leave New Orleans ahead of Hurricane Katrina" - BBC "We have hurricanes all the time. We had no idea it was going to be like this" - Shantarelle Graham, survivor "We've just delivered three helicopters of water and equipment to those co-ordinates because we were told there were 5,000 people in desperate need. Now I have some Major on the phone who says they've been evacuated in a boat - well that must be a helluva big boat" - Tony Cramer, Relief Worker "Katrina had more than the power of the wind and water, because, now, when they have subsided, it can still reveal the emptiness of an era, one that is represented by President George W Bush more than anyone" - Argentina's Clarin
"The episode illustrates that when the normal day-to-day activity of society disintegrates, the collapse of civilisation is only a few paces behind. We all walk on the edge of the abyss" - Saudi Arabia's Saudi Gazette "About 10,000 US National Guard troops were deployed [in New Orleans] and were granted the authority to fire at and kill whom they wanted, upon the pretext of restoring order. This decision is an indication of the US administration's militarist mentality, which regards killing as the only way to control even its own citizens" - Iran's Al-Vefagh "My first reaction when television images of the survivors of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans came through the channels was that the producers must be showing the wrong clip. The images, and even the disproportionately high number of visibly impoverished blacks among the refugees, could easily have been a re-enactment of a scene from the pigeonholed African continent" - Kenya's Daily Nation
"The fast and safe evacuation was white, leaving behind poor black people, as if time had stood still between the racial unrest of the sixties and today" Germany's Die Tageszeitung "Many survivors have witnessed scenes of violence, including rapes and murders at the shelters, mainly carried out by criminal gangs. "There is rapes going on here," Africa Brumfield, 32, who was staying at the convention centre, told Reuters news agency. "Women cannot go to the bathroom without men. They are raping them and slitting their throats," she said. A National Guard soldier described a similar incident. "We found a young girl raped and killed in the bathroom [at the arena]," he said. "Then the crowd got the man and they beat him to death." - BBC "It is difficult to make light of one fact: that climate changes are at play, which are causing increasingly violent events... Katrina was just a warning" - El Salvador (El Diario de Hoy) "Hip-hop star Kanye West criticised President Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina at a televised benefit concert in New York on Friday ... The comment went out live on the US east coast, but was cut from a taped version seen on the west coast." - BBC 2
September 05 - Poyzer featured at Actoguitar
Apparently, when the Champs League matches kick in, we get major Italian clubs staying here also, like AC Milan, Juventus etc. The thing with our gym, and it's an annoying thing, is the big tv screens they have for you to watch, whilst listening to a Radio One soundtrack. Now on it's own, as a non-tv watcher as a rule, I find the tv with no sound quite interesting, but you have to have a crucial soundtrack to add a little mind-blowing magic. Radio One has disappeared up it's own bottom, so ... So. I've been trying to work out some good soundtracks to the tv shows I watch whilst pummelling the exercise bike. For example and for those of you who know the childrens tv show Balamory, and in particular Miss Hoolie, imagine the frantic smiley woman strutting her kiddy enthralling stuff to a backdrop of Ebenezer Good by The Prodigy. You get where this is going ...? That's what keep fit does to you. It warps the mind my friends, but without the costly narcotics. ~ ~ ~ And to add before I sign off, I've just had one of those 'character assessment' e-mails. This one says "choose a cake and then see what top psychiatrists say about you, based on your choice". So, apparently I am: "Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh." That's the intro for the speed dating sorted then ...
New friends, love and respect all round, the vibe in the house is like, yeh ... My head and heart is once more filled with the joys of creativity and excitement, with the idea of bringing all the great accompanying musicians I love and respect together for the forthcoming new album. Say hello to the new Kirk McElhinney web page ...
A modest poyzer-songs set, so to continue my new thing with taking pics of lovely girls, here's Cath and Lowri, taken at the bar in The Red Cow. An offer to show me around the beautiful Welsh town of Tenby is accepted, thank you ... The Red Cow, and The White House where we played earlier, are both great little gigs during the festival. We really enjoyed the day, and to cap it all, Claire has made a wicked veggie curry to come home to. Quick mention here to Katy Bennett (www.ktb.org.uk); thanks for the biscuits. What a great way to chat up a crowd; walking round the gig with a packet of biscuits. And of course, what an outstanding singer and songwriter - can't wait to hear the album. Now I must grab a mouthful of food and catch up on some sleep ... more of the same tomorrow!
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August 05 - Singing in English, Playing In Welsh The drive over and the scenery were once again fantastic, and the greeting even more so as I met a banjo player / artist called Dave, now resident in Mold, who is a Poyzer-songs fan and owner of two / now three cd's. A shame then that when it came time for me to play a short set for what was a very reserved and decent audience, I wasn't really on the ball. Went down well enough, but there was no special magic, and some of the 'jokey' stuff didn't land at all. Maybe I chose the wrong songs. Maybe I'm a little lacking in gig fitness. Maybe there's a different dynamic to playing without a sound system that I'm no longer in tune with. Maybe I'm just human and my expectations are a little too much sometimes. Dunno, but I do know I was very annoyed with myself on the way home, and nearly pumped the car into the back of a stationary vehicle. In the daytime, the beauty is astounding; at night the roads through the valleys are dark and snakelike ...
~ ~ ~ And so on this weekend to Nantwich Folk & Roots Festival. I've got friends (Wendy and Danny, Kirky Boy and Claire) coming over to stay the weekend. Lots of good company, acoustic jamming, wine, laughter and soulful warmth. And in the middle of all that, a songwriters workshop to run and a handful of short live performances. I seriously do hope the gigs are good ... the last thing I need right now is more artistic frustration to dislodge my mental state. 24
August 05 - Happy Birthday To Us For me, I got to spend a day out with Jasmine and Cath. Cath and I are on good speaking terms (as far as ex's go!!) and I am always on at her for every opportunity to spend time with little Jazzy. The story goes that someday soon they will leave for places far away ... And I've treated myself to a membership of the local 'Spa' at Carden Park - heated pool, sauna, steam room, modern gym etc ... I'm getting more middle class every day, but I am getting in shape at last! 20
August 05 - Wigan Music Collective Preview
"Pop says all their kickers are too busy watching something called The Ashes. He says it is a cricket game, which goes on for ages and yet no one wins." So a bit like the War on Terror, then. And nudging into US Politics, thanks to the Wigan Music Collective message board for this one: Christopher Walken (pic right) for President 2008 - see www.walken2008.com. I mean come on, since Reagan, the very wise and intelligent people of the USA have got to grips with how sinister and disastrous having an actor as President is. Surely? Now I do admire Chris Walken, however, he is at his dramatic very best when he plays the sinister role ... scary. President Walken - can you see this happening? I guess we should take a peep at his policies along the way - who knows, he could be the next puppet to front the most powerful empire in the world. 14
August 05 - Building Furniture Got loads of ideas for new songs coming on though, and walking through golf courses and along Welsh beaches is a great way to allow ideas to gel. This alongside listening to RadioIO Acoustic. And there's a couple of nice things happening to friends right now: Kevin (Farrell) and Helen have set a date for getting married, having lived together for a few years and formed a very special bond; and Shaun and Lucy Hunter may well about now be the proud parents of their 2nd child, the first having been tragically still-born. On the down side though, I spoke with Annie Marsh last night and Dave's battle with cancer is about to begin in earnest. Life - it's a soap opera. 9
August 05 - Across The Border Still, it was ok ... quite busy actually, though not all those who had come along to the fairly large cafe bar were there for the music. A good testing ground for new material and an occasional outing, a little noisy but worthwhile, and good to meet up again with Laura from Mooi. They're a band with a stunning acoustic sound made beautiful by some awesome cello, and I intend to go watch them play a full concert in Wrexham soon. 8
August 05 - My Thoughts Today ... No easy answers, but for those who believe, prayers ... 7
August 05 - Welcome to Clutton Broxton Have to say though, it's pretty nice here in deepest Cheshire, and the peace, quiet and exceptionally friendly people of Clutton Broxton seem to be just the ticket for me right now. And if I need life, there's Wrexham some 9 miles away, Chester 10 miles, and Crewe and Nantwich about 10 / 12 miles away also. And some new gigs to play maybe? Stepping out through the gate and up the hill, I've been walking the dog and venturing around the Carden Park golf course. I know, golfers are supposedly the enemy of punk rock, however everyone here is so welcoming, it's a pleasure. And just by the 18th there's a ledge and nice place to sit as you overlook a large open and picturesque valley, with the Welsh hills on the far side. It's particularly scenic here when the sun sets.
Sounds very poetic doesn't it! Yes I know I know, but I've had my fill of drunks and druggies, idiots and cut throat business shit for now ... I'm simply enjoying a long awaited bit of honest beauty and space. It's nice, very very nice. My time here could be a very happy time indeed.
The BBC is covering the anniversary of the day the first atomic bomb nicknamed 'Little Boy' was dropped by American and British politicians on the population of the Japanese city of Hiroshima. Here's one account worth reading: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4739615.stm. Makes you wonder why they didn't just invite Japanese leaders to view a test destruction of wasteland, instead of using hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children as burning guinea pigs. And many accounts tell how the Japanese, with the Russians declaring war on them as an extra pressure alongside their conflict with Britain and America, were ready to surrender anyway. You could say there was a lesson to be learnt, yet the very same horrific trick using an even larger nuclear bomb, destroyed the lives of thousands more in the Japanese city of Nagasaki just days later. History has many hidden, dark dark secrets, and today we still live in the world where the needless death of other human beings is one of the most creative things that a small number of men and women seek to control ... See Previous Archived Blog > Here < |
Ironically
'Is It Me Or Is Everything Shit?' is the title of a book I recieved
as a present. No, everything isn't shit. but I am still in need
of a break from work and expectation, and this wasn't it. Christmas
2005 did have one or two very special moments though, most notably
provided by the joy of children at play. My nephew Noah had his
1st birthday party, and on this occasion with nothing more than
a few balloons and a chasing game I found my moment with 4 year
old Jasmine, 5 year old nephew Zak, and a kid who pleaded to join
in because his parents were busy in the pub somewhere. There isn't
a single TV ad that tells you how to create that special moment.
Probably because it comes to life the moment you turn the bloody
thing off.
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December 2005 - A Happy Christmas Workaholic
And,
when I can find a way to put it into words, I'll try once again
in a wider sense to cherish the lives of those outside my families'
comfort zones. And we are all wary of those 'other' people aren't
we? Criminals, outcasts, thieves, chavs, suits, smackheads, whatever.
Think about it, we are they; each and everyone trying to sustain
a regular meal of good food, comfort and dignity.
I've
just returned home from a John Lennon celebration night; 25 years
since the day he was shot dead in New York, there we were in Stockport,
playing Beatles tracks and Lennon rarities. And what a wonderful
night it was; awesome performances by all the acoustica artistes
who played, not a single ego on show, and smiles and good things
all round.
What
was that smile all about? Is it that I am particularly attractive
in the eyes of middle aged women when I look a little rough around
the edges, mid-morning Saturdays? Or was it the fact that I had
turned during her moment of excitement, as she recited to a friend
how Paul Burrell, Princess Di's former butler, had just signed her
newly acquired book, 'A Royal Duty', written by himself and bought
from his gift shop situated just across the road.
Previously
this week my work has took me to Cumbria and Morecambe, and then
London where I was a guest of Donal Gallagher, brother of blues
guitar legend Rory Gallagher. We met to discuss the future for his
website, which I will be managing from here onwards. It was a fascinating
lunch into afternoon discussion that we had, and most of it centred
around the 'bootlegging' of Rory's rare recordings, and the attachment
of his name to many items of merchandise. For those who do not know
of Rory Gallagher, he was an outstanding world class blues rock
guitarist who died in 1995.
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November 2005 - TV Shit and Humiliation
tonight
I re-dressed a recent imbalance and went swimming.
14
November 2005 - Man On The Moon etc
The
Poppies Are In The Field
06
November 2005 - The X Factor: So What's That All About Then?
02
November 05 - 10 Things That Are Preventing Me From Blogging
24
October 05 - Beautiful Things Happened Tonight ...
16
October 05 - The Opera On The Farm
6
October 05 - Introducing Richard Berman
4
October 05 - Teacher's Troublesome Pet
For
the first time in what seems like ages, I got round to playing two
full sets as a solo performer last night, and what's more Loughborough
Acoustic Club provided me with the honour of a fine turn-out. From
here it's a journey of about 2 hours across a Midlands trail that
links the M6 with the M1, and whenever I travel out I always feel
it to be of the utmost importance to give the finest account of
yourself ... it is after all a long way home if you feel you've
not played to your potential.
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September 05 - Petrol: Which Side Are You On Boys?
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September 05 - The Acoustic Man
11
September 05 - When One Battle Follows Another ...
No
doubt the high number of black casualties will be treated with the
gratification and with the continued poisonous approval vote of
some ... I guess we just gotta keep on shouting them down, from
every corner of the globe. And I've no doubt the way that criminals
amongst the desloute communities, who have wreaked havoc, will once
more be demonstrated as the 'black face' of America, the front page
of grotesque. The usual cover-up.
"The
sea walls would not have burst in New Orleans if the funds meant
for strengthening them had not been cut to help the war effort in
Iraq and the war on terror... And rescue work would have been more
effective if a section of National Guard from the areas affected
had not been sent to Baghdad and Kabul... And would George Bush
have left his holiday ranch more quickly if the disaster had not
first struck the most disadvantaged populations of the black south?"
- Switzerland's Le Temps
"New
Orleans may go down in history as the first major city in an advanced
country to be lost to the process of global warming... We sincerely
hope that the Bush administration will take the call from Hurricane
Katrina and reconsider its energy and environmental policies and
replace ostrich-like escapism with leadership in the global effort
to deal with the crisis of global climatic change" Taipei's
Taiwan News 
1
September 05 - Miss Hoolies' Drugs Therapy
29
August 05 - Pure Kissing Magic
28
August 05 - Nantwich Fest Day One
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August 05 - Another Girl, Another Planet
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August 05 - Footy / Cricket / Politics
Well
I made my first raid across the border last night, venturing into
Wrexham for the open mic session at Central Station. Being the unknown,
I wandered in at 8.15pm, only to find later that the night didn't
start until about 10.15pm.
Just
3 or 4 miles up the road in Farndon, you can walk along the River
Dee as it srolls alongside heading towards Chester. The peace is
not quite as cutting as certain parts of Scotland, but via cross
country walks that veer off into the countryside adjoining small
villages, you can certainly pick out the sounds. Today, I breathed
large gulps of fresh air to the sound of the almost simultaneous
bells of two Churches, just 300 yards apart, one in England and
the other in Wales, seperated by the river, with a backdrop of cooing
birds spoilt only by the distant hums of the A534. And with the
early evening sun still belting out a hot summer's rays, it sure
is a beautiful place to be.
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August 05 - The Curse of Little Boy